So earlier this evening I was on the back porch smoking, and I glanced in the window to see the house cat (we’ll call him Chester) staring a little too imploringly at me. I went up to the window to wave and do other cute shit in his general direction and he hissed at me with some fucking bloodcurdling malice. I’m actually afraid of this creature.

I know it’s silly to be afraid of a cat, but Chester is a fucking freak. Everyone in this home is legitimately terrified of his presence. He seems endearing enough, he weighs AT LEAST twenty pounds and purrs often. In reality he’s a bone gargling shit demon.

I’m currently the only person awake, and across the living room, sitting in the only sliver of light, is Chester, just starin’.

I might be to scared to shower before work.